“Afraid that a population explosion among squirrels in a city park could pose a public health risk, Santa Monica officials are ready to try a proven method of dealing with the problem: birth control shots.”

I am never, ever, ever moving to California. This state makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever. It’s a state which is constantly regarded as one in financial peril, yet, it continually acts as though it has more money than brains.
I think this is proof of the latter, don’t you?

Let me see if I have this right. California wants free medical care for illegal aliens…and tree rats.

Why don’t we just call this “Operation Logistical Nightmare”? Not only the proposed contraceptive injections cost between $2 and $10 each, but how exactly do you intend to inject a squirrel? You can’t really sneak up on one and stab it in the butt, and the last time I checked, the state of California doesn’t really like it when you fire a gun willy-nilly in the park.

Well, unless, of course, you’re an illegal alien, because they have rights, you know. I digress.

So I guess that leaves us with only one option. Blowguns. I ask you, how exactly do we pull that one off? Can we trade in all the Mexicans or a few tribes of bushmen? In reality, how safe would that be? It’s not like all the squirrels are in one place. There would be more darts flying through the park than in a Chuck Norris movie. How would you like to be sitting in the park having a nice tofu picnic (it’s California) with your lady, and then suddenly she gets shanked in the neck with an errant RO-dent486 dart? What happens then? Are you going to confront the bushman about his poor marksmanship? What’s he going to say to you? “Ung-ung-click-click-nok-nok”? I mean, language barriers are brutal in this country.

More than that, how exactly do you cope when your lady gets some weird kind of rat plague from the drug, and then you have to watch her wither and die? There’s no dignity in that.

Fear not, my friends. I have the solution. It takes patience, and it may not bring the costs down, but since California is bent on becoming a socialist enclave, let’s try this for the collective:

Round up all tree rats and kill them dead. Why would you do that? It’s very simple:

So you can eat them.

I’ve eaten squirrel. I must say, when prepared properly, it’s quite delicious. Think of all the homeless people that could be fed. Hobos would be lined up for miles for a taste of Rocky “The No-longer Flying because we trapped him and shot him in the head squirrel”.

I’m dead serious. Promote a “Squirrel For Every Aluminum Tray” agenda, and all sides would benefit. Why try to sterilize them and kill them off when we could control growth and feed the hungry at the same time? It would make the most sense, wouldn’t it?

But then again, we *are* talking about California.

just like mom makes

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