I try to like most people. As everybody knows, there are about a billion different personality types out there, so you are bound to meet some that you like, and some that you don’t like.

Unfortunately for me, it would seem that I am meeting a lot of the latter, lately, and it really gets to be depressing at times, because I meet a lot of people. But that being said, today I am talking about a specific kind of person:

The kind of people who talk just to hear themselves.

You know the type. They’re the ones who must interject their thoughts into any conversation they can get their hands on. Doesn’t matter what it is, or where it is. These are the people who have to let you know they’re there, whether you want to know or not. More than that, if they can’t add something meaningful to the current thread of the conversation, they’ll try to shift it in another direction. More often than not when they do this, the topic they shift to is so far off, it’s distracting, and it completely throws off the flow of the original discussion.

People like this make me seriously consider the possibility of adding another amendment to the Constitution. Specifically, an amendment which enumerates my “right to bear a taser”.

Anyway, I’m standing around with a buddy of mine, and he’s got this other friend of his with him. And yes, this other friend is “that guy”. Whenever my buddy has something to say about anything, the guy interjects about this that and the other, and about how he’s doing this and that. In the process he throws about three or four good stories off base. I do my best to remain patient.

Then, we start talking about jobs. Eventually, my turn comes around and I talk about how I’ve had a hard time maintaining employment because I employers don’t always give me a fair shake. Not in the sense that “the man is keeping me down”, but it is indeed an obstacle. I just don’t think people quite understand sometimes.

Smarty, who has known me for at most 30 minutes now, decides to chime in. “That’s a self-limiting statement. You sound like a black person.”

Again, I hear that familiar click in my brain. Chatty Charlie just pushed the wrong button. Of course now is where I say, the perfunctory “Not that there is anything wrong with being black…”

Okay, said it.

Needless to say, I didn’t appreciate the context and delivery of this statement. I felt as though I was being compared to those who shot at helicopters in New Orleans.

“First off, You don’t know me from a hole in the wall, so I’m amazed how you’ve been able to deduce what’s in my head so quickly. Self limiting? How in the hell am I self limiting? I’m not saying the man is holding me down. I’m acknowledging an obstacle. More than that, I’m on social assistance, and I *still* have a 5,000 square foot loft on Main Street. For a guy who practices “self limitation”, I would say I’m doing pretty damn good.”

He comes back and says, “You’re offended? That’s kind of sad.”

“You want to know what offends me? Stupidity offends me. You talk too much. You haven’t shut your mouth for 30 seconds. I imagine you’re trying to make yourself look smart. Hell, you can’t even let your buddy finish a story without opening your big fat yap and messing it up. Let me clue you in on something. The more you talk, the dumber you’re going to get, because the only way you can learn anything is by listening. So for the love of God, please shut up.”

My buddy just looked on with this look of stunned amazement on his face. Chatty-Boy finally got quiet and kind of slinked off. I apologized to my buddy for laying into his friend, and he said, “Don’t worry, man. It’s cool. If you’ve got something to say, you’ve got something to say.”

The spastic gabber eventually left, and we had a great time the rest of the night.
Now, let me clear something up here. I am not what one might call a hyper sensitive person. I’ve been called to task a few times in my life, and that’s okay. It happens. I’m cool with that. However, anybody who has ever done it, really knows me. That, my friends, is the key.

I myself, have been known to float advice and opinions from time to time, sometimes when I’m asked, and sometimes when not. But, I always make sure I know the person well before I even consider offering anything. Because, if I don’t know that person, it’s none of my damn business.

I think more people need to learn that. I think maybe its cultural problem. We’re way too much into a self-help craze these days. Every dope for miles around goes out and buys a book, and then suddenly their Doctor Phil or some such thing. I don’t disavow the validity of self help, but I know oversaturation when I see it.

As an example, I have a few people in my life who suffer from clinical depression. Sometimes, they ask me for help. I’m rarely sure what to say, so I have learned that the best course of action is to be quiet and listen. And when I *do* offer something, I stay as far away from “couch-speak” as I possibly can. My friends don’t need that from me. More often than not, it’s not about “self-limitation”, “boundaries”, “finding your inner child/center” or what have you.

Usually, it’s as simple as “talk to me.” A good set of ears is a Godsend for most.

I hope I do my part for those who need it.

Positivity is wonderful, but sometimes it’s dishonest, too. Just because you can recognize an obstacle, that doesn’t mean you use it as a crutch. It’s rather like this:

“Why aren’t you flying your kite today?”

“Well, the wind isn’t blowing.”

“You just aren’t trying hard enough!”

“Um, okay.”

The key to success is recognizing the obstacles and finding ways to overcome them. Simply wishing something isn’t there doesn’t make it nonexistent.

We focus too much on words and definitions and labels. I believe we’d be a lot better off as a whole if more of us just sat quietly, and listened.

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