“CORAL GABLES, Fla. — A 4-year-old girl was mauled at a children’s birthday party by a cougar that had been brought in by a wild-animal business to entertain the youngsters, authorities said.
The girl was attacked on Nov. 18 at the home of Goya Foods president Francisco Unanue during a party for his 7-year-old child and suffered severe cuts on her eyelid, cheek and ear, authorities said. Doctors sewed back part of her severed ear.”
Hmm. I have an idea.
As most of you know, I am completely against abortion. However, I have decided to offer a compromise. If abortion is made illegal, I will grant the right to adult euthanasia.
I have to tell you, even though I’m not a parent, I do have a 9 year old nephew and a 5 year old niece. Never once have I ever thought that bringing them in close contact with a giant, man-eating cat would be a good idea.
Seriously, what goes on in the minds of rich people? Because, as a general rule, you can’t be stupid and be rich. I understand that Paris Hilton and Britney Spears are exceptions to that rule, but generally, I’m right.
The frightening truth is, at some point along the way, dear old dad actually said, “What? Barney is booked? This will never do. Nothing is too good for my Princess. Weill have to come up with something better. Oh! I know! I bet she’d love to put a saddle on a mountain lion and ride it around like Battle-Cat. We’ll take pictures! It will be a marvelous time!”
Idiot.
Two things:
1. A four-year old barely even knows what a cougar is.
2. If he is so inclined, said cougar could swallow a child whole.
This man is definitely out of the running for Father of the Year. He has no idea how much he’s screwed himself. His poor daughter’s head is going to have more stitches in it than a baseball, and believe you me, she’ll never forget this. Twelve years down the road when she wants a Ferrari? She be like “Hey daddy, remember that time you almost let a giant frickin’ cat pop my head like a melon? Yeah, ass. I’ll take the red one.”
And she’ll get it, too, because not only is dad guilty, but he obviously has more money than brains.
I’m sure some whacko treehugger will try to blame it on the kid in the sense that she “provoked” the poor animal. This is where the disconnect comes in. People seem to have forgotten that wild animals are just that. Wild.
We put them in cages and we marvel at how cute they are, and we teach them stupid tricks and all sorts of inane things. Then we have idiots who think they can commune with animals. Invariably, what happens to them? Don’t know? Ask Steve Irwin.
Oh wait. You can’t ask Steve Irwin. He’s *dead*, remember? Yeah. One of those “Pussycat of the sea” stingray things STABBED HIM IN THE HEART.
Crikey.
Let me break this down for you. I recently was relayed an account about a bear attack, and the TV news anchor actually asked, “Could the bear have been mentally disabled?”
Translation: “Is Gentle Ben retarded?”
No, you bleached-blonde bimbo. *You* are! No matter how cute a wild animal may look, and no matter how well its been trained, it’s primary instinct is to kill you and eat you. As I have said before, a good rule of thumb is, if it’s bigger than you and doesn’t speak English…stay away.”
It’s not that *I’m* a treehugger, I just hate stupid people.
Adult euthanasia is the key.
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I couldn’t agree with you more, Art.
I was stationed in Alaska from December ‘93 until December ‘96. One of the first things I had to do after I arrived was to go through an arctic survival course, during which I was shown a film of the local wildlife. It went something like:
“This is a bear. Don’t fuck with it.” Said bear was about 7 feet tall and around 800 pounds.
“This is a moose. Don’t fuck with it.” Said moose scoops up said bear in it’s horns and flings it about 30 feet through the forest.
“This is a wolverine. Don’t fuck with it. This is an elk. Don’t fuck with it. This is a polar bear…”etc etc.
Humans are by far a minority in that strange land of snow, ice, and glowing night skies. You would think that there would be endless accounts of locals getting mauled by the wild animals. Not so.
Oh, there were endless accounts of mauling cases. You know who was getting mauled? The dumb-assed tourists who grew up watching Yogi and Boo-Boo and thought that the state of Alaska is some kind of exotic petting zoo. “Aww, look at the cute wittle baby bear! Aww, he likes to be petted!” They don’t seem to have the common sense to think that where there is a cub, there is a mother, and chances are she doesn’t like having her cubs messed with. I myself once came across a moose and her calf while I was on a patrol, and escaped a mauling by knowing what to do, and it did not include hanging around and gawking or playing with the wittle moosie.
Sometimes the only thing more infinite than the expanse of the universe is the stupidity of it’s inhabitants.
~Nighthawk