ArtLindsey.com

I have a question.

Well, that’s nothing new, is it. I’ve probably even asked this question before, and I just don’t remember. The reason I probably don’t remember is because I’m so frustrated in trying to find a reasonable answer that my brain cells are frying, and my grey matter is shutting down on me. I’m completely at a loss, so would somebody, by the grace of God, help me out with something here.

Why does the media hate America so much? I just don’t get it. They have the freedom to talk about whatever they want, yet all they want to do is talk about how awful America is. This perplexes me. We have the freest press on the planet, and all these people do is crucify the system which granted them their rights. Not only that, they are so intent on doing so, that if they run out of ideas of their own, they will drag up anybody they can who they think can fill some copy space or TV time.

The mainstream media has now hit another all-time low of desperation. Reuters went and dug up Mikhail Gorbachev, and asked him how he felt about America’s current socio-political climate. As if that weren’t enough, they decided to start the article off with a false premise. Look at this:

“Former Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev, who played a key role in ending the Cold War, said the United States had squandered an opportunity to improve global politics after the Cold War, a paper said on Friday.”

Woah. Hold on just one little minute there. I’ll admit I wasn’t very old back then, but as far as I can remember, and can tell by looking back on history, the only “key role” that Mikhail Gorbachev played in ending the cold war was…getting his ass handed to him by Ronald Reagan. He lost, and he lost miserably. In a nutshell, more or less, all Reagan had to do was get on TV, and proclaim that the USSR was the “Evil Empire”, which was very effective because the main goal of the Soviets was expansion, any way they could get it. It also helped that Reagan could sell ice to an Eskimo, but that’s beside the point.

Then, the two of them went to Iceland for a nuclear summit. You know, one of those meetings we have when we decide we only need to destroy the world two times over instead of three? Yeah, one of those. Anyway, the two of them meet in this igloo,* -writer’s embellishment- and Gorby says, “Disarm, Comrade Ronald. The world will be a better place, da?”

Then, Ronald Reagan, determined to become the greatest American of all time (he did, and he was.) stood up and said “Ah-well, we need those. So, screw you, Pinky!” and he left. Gorby was left standing there mouth agape, like he had just eaten some bad borscht. But, that wasn’t the worst of his problems.

You see, Ol’ Ronaldus Magnus planted another troubling thought in Gorbachev’s splotched head. The Great Communicator planted the idea in Mikhail’s head that the United States had this super space weapon. Satellites that would blow any ICBM out of the sky. Not only that, we were ramping our military up at a breakneck pace.

Uh Oh.

Now, while we were ramping up the military, there was just one tiny little lie in the whole thing. We didn’t have a functioning celestial missile defense system.

Nawww! Really?

Nope.

So, this of course, sends our little commie buddy into a tizzy. He’s gotta do something to “catch up”, after all, right? That’s what one would think, anyway. There’s just one problem with that though:

You can’t do that in a communist/socialist economy. Everything is so tightly regulated and keep “equal”, (Read: “miserable”) that income is choked off and stagnant. Simply put, there wasn’t enough money to go around, and the Soviet Union spent itself into oblivion. That’s brilliant. We didn’t even fire a shot. All we had to do was have Ronnie tell some fibs, and the slowly infuse their culture with MTV and blue jeans. The floundering economy and the people’s desire for choice won out.

Reagan didn’t do it *all* alone, mind you, but Mikhail Gorbachev was about as key in ending the cold war as the Houston Texans are to the success of the NFL. I guess, if losing with abandon makes you a “key”, Gorbachev jingles more than a janitor’s belt.
The old Russian went on to make such further ludicrous claims as:

“”Today our American friends are suffering from an illness worse than AIDS.”

He didn’t even bother to put this in any kind of context, so I don’t know exactly what he’s talking about. I’m assuming he’s meaning our policies. Well,, we’re not suffering Gorby, we’re doing pretty well. Our economy is rolling along, and while we’ve had to kill a few thousand people over the last few years, we’ve saved several *million* more. So, I’m not all that sure what you are driving at. (What in the hell *are* you saying anyway? You keep this up, and you’ll be wearing rubber pants to bed, mister! Don’t make me do it, because I will!)

Washington will in future have to act less on its own and get used to a position of diminished importance, he said.
“The Americans will have to understand that in future they will have to cooperate and make decisions jointly, instead of just always wanting to give orders,”

Oh sure. We’ll get right on that. Yeah. We’re all about the diminished importance thing. This old fella has completely lost his mind. We only feed, clothe and protect the entire world. Not necessarily because we want to, but because we have to. A lot of countries won’t look after themselves, and the other countries who can help just plain won’t. (At least not in any way that goes beyond writing a check. In that vein, our debt alone is a key source of funding in the world. Our debt is bigger than the Gross Domestic Product of most countries. Our creditors make tons on our interest payments alone.

Oh, my bad. I forgot that economics isn’t Gorby’s forte.

Sometimes, boys and girls, it takes more than money to solve a problem. That’s where we come in. You know that fear you have of getting old, and ending up in the nursing home? In fact, not only are you *in* the nursing home, you’re such an invalid, that somebody else has to wipe your butt for you?

Well, that’s us. We’re the nurse that wipes the rest of the world’s ass. But you know what, we’re really good at it. But that’s not what makes us so great.

What makes us so great is that we don’t *mind* helping people. Wealth is useless if it’s not utilized properly, and that’s what we try our best to do. I’m yet to see anyone who can do a better job than we do, and I know I never will.

The sad thing is that the media and Mikhail Gorbachev actually think if the balance of power changes, the world would be better.
This is why the mainstream media is floundering, and why Mikhail Gorbachev is nothing more than on old relic on the scrap heap of history.

They just don’t realize how lucky they are.

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